TtWwEeLlVvEe

My computer and hard drive with all of my song lyrics and unreleased recordings were stolen out of my car a few nights ago (my dumb, chest-cold addled brain didn't think to put them in the trunk of my car - WHY???!?  I'll always wonder/never know...) so on this - the final eve of 2013 - I have done some one-take demos of previously un-shared songs of mine ranging back to when I first started writing songs in 2008.  I'm putting them online because - what if I lose all my shit again?  I'm so grateful I started this blog thing - otherwise I'd have lost ALL my writing and recordings!

This has been a challenging few weeks for ol pussymuscle.  Dealing with heartache of all kinds;  endings in many forms - the cycles continue.  With all these endings and losings and heartaches I have been deeply challenged to open up to recieve many unexpected gifts that have come my way.  Life continues to challenge my old ideas of power and reception; security and happiness; abundance and emptiness - and my vision of myself.  

And now for some hastily recorded demos!  (including weird clicking noises!  snoring dogs!  and street sounds!)  

With love love love and continued transformation,
pussymuscle.

//

I am feeling raw.  I am feeling tired.  I have been staying up late thinking, writing, worrying and crafting my senior project for my graduation in just over one week.  I have been drinking too much coffee and having too many hard working dreams.  I have been second-third-and-fourth guessing every.fucking.thing I write, and every.fucking.time I speak and I am sick of it.  I am in the late stages of labor - giving birth to a new version of myself and wondering if the world is gentile and kind enough to coddle me a bit as I toddle around - finding my balance.  I am always looking for balance.  And love.  And love that can balance.  I am good at balancing books, ideas, friendships, household chores, health and creativity - but not so great at the love thing.  Sometimes I wonder if I will ever learn to spot heartbreak before it happens - if I will ever actually save myself any grief by turning away from some bright thing dangling itself in front of me.  HOT!  Hot.  Better spread some honey on the burn, ma.



This song came out of me a few minutes ago as I was pulling in to my driveway, so I recorded it with my voice memo thingie.  It is imperfect and unfinished but I wanted to honor my natural process by posting it here.