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I am feeling raw.  I am feeling tired.  I have been staying up late thinking, writing, worrying and crafting my senior project for my graduation in just over one week.  I have been drinking too much coffee and having too many hard working dreams.  I have been second-third-and-fourth guessing every.fucking.thing I write, and every.fucking.time I speak and I am sick of it.  I am in the late stages of labor - giving birth to a new version of myself and wondering if the world is gentile and kind enough to coddle me a bit as I toddle around - finding my balance.  I am always looking for balance.  And love.  And love that can balance.  I am good at balancing books, ideas, friendships, household chores, health and creativity - but not so great at the love thing.  Sometimes I wonder if I will ever learn to spot heartbreak before it happens - if I will ever actually save myself any grief by turning away from some bright thing dangling itself in front of me.  HOT!  Hot.  Better spread some honey on the burn, ma.



This song came out of me a few minutes ago as I was pulling in to my driveway, so I recorded it with my voice memo thingie.  It is imperfect and unfinished but I wanted to honor my natural process by posting it here.